There are so many reasons that dating after divorce is so hard, from putting your bruised heart in the hands of a stranger to having to confess your divorcee status to (whisper it) sex with somebody new.
University of Michigan research suggests that the older we get the less we go out, with 50% of 18 year olds out once a week compared to 25% of 32 year olds. Yet the U.S. Census Bureau tells us that half of all first marriages end in divorce – so where are all these footloose and fancy free singles?
You’ll find many of them on dating websites aimed at divorced daters and single parents, the services aimed at matching folk with a checkered relationship history. It’s a good place to start if you’re nervous after being out of the game for some time or if you’d prefer to avoid ‘the talk’ with a new prospective partner.
Dating sites like these are a quick Google away and make it easy for you to ease yourself back in gently with emails and phone calls before you date for real. They also allow you to be selective about who you meet with advance info about any guy who shows an interest in you – that’s gotta be a good thing.
But how can you be sure that you’re really ready to date again? Sometimes it can be tempting to fly out of the door and date the first guy you find, flush as you are with your new-found freedom and as sure as you are that you’re over your divorce. But allow yourself time; desperately dating anybody who looks your way will only cause you pain – you’re looking for quality, not quantity.
Make use of good friends who know you well (though beware of any with post-divorce split loyalties) and take their advice; perhaps they know somebody who’d be perfect for you, perhaps they’d even like to double date, easing the burden on you during those early, wobbly dates.
The most important thing though when considering dating again after a divorce – whether the divorce itself was hostile or perfectly amicable – is to give yourself time, no matter what your age. You’ll know when you’re ready to start meeting people and you’ll know when you’re ready to move from being somebody’s date to becoming something more serious.
Moving too fast will only lead to ill-advised relationships and doing things you might regret. Being healed and feeling good about yourself again will lead to more fulfilling relationships with the right kind of man for you
